Special Episode: Mother's Day 2020 with Perdita Felicien
Shireen chats with Canadian hurdler, author, and legendary media personality, Perdita Felicien, about her experience during Covid-19, managing work and motherhood, fertility and what "bar-b-que that bitch" really means. They talk about struggles of women athletes, the postponement of the Tokyo Olympics, and a host of other important topics.
This special episode was produced by Kasia Mychajlowycz.
Transcript
Shireen: Hello flamethrowers, Shireen here. We are so proud to bring you a very special Mother’s Day episode of Burn It All Down with Canadian Olympian Perdita Felicien. I would like to add a content note for this special segment: we will be discussing fertility and pregnancy. Burn It All Down wishes all the mothers – chosen, birth, adoptive, surrogate – caregivers, and women laboring and loving, a very happy Mother’s Day. But we would also like to recognize that Mother’s Day can be a difficult one for many, and we are holding space for those who are struggling as well. Thank you so much, we hope you enjoy the episode.
Hello Perdita Felicien! How are you?
Perdita: I am well. How are you?
Shireen: I’m currently under a blanket fort recording at home! What does your setup look like?
Perdita: I’m definitely not under a fort, I’ll tell you that right now. Okay, why the fort?
Shireen: Well it just actually helps with the sound, it absorbs extra sound.
Perdita: Yes, yes.
Shireen: Yeah.
Perdita: Yeah, us media people know that but people are like, why is she under a fort! [Shireen laughs] Yeah, this is a technical thing.
Shireen: I’m so savvy. How are you coping and doing through all this physical distancing, not just professionally but personally? Let’s start there.
Perdita: You know, I’m doing really really well and I have to say, I have a bit of an issue with saying that because there are a lot of people who are ailing and struggling right now, and it kind of feels like, well, I don’t feel underwater. And the reason is Shireen, you know, I’ve been shooting this show All-Round Champion for the last three months basically and we wrapped just as social isolation was starting to become a thing, and so I’ve craved downtime. This is like, you know, the downtime. You wouldn’t ask for it to come in this way, but it has allowed me just to be really still and quiet.
Shireen: That’s beautiful. I’ve been following you on your Instagram story, and you’re cleaning and organizing. I’m very inspired, but also just kind of shaming myself as I watch you. [Perdita laughing] Is that what you’re doing in terms of your downtime, like, cleaning, organizing, everything?
Perdita: Everything! The spice rack, the garage, my husband’s sock drawer, everything! But for me that really is my meditation, that’s my self care. I could care less about a pedicure, you know? I love to cook, I love to clean, I love to organize. That’s one of the things I’ve really been stressing to my sisters – I have three of them – and girlfriends, it’s like, use this time the way that you want to use this time, right? Maybe it’s cleaning the house, maybe it’s coming up with this great idea, but maybe it’s literally you being in a blanket fort, you know? Do what you gotta do, and then letting life unfold the way it’s gonna unfold.
Shireen: I think that’s really important, and I appreciate you saying that, you’re recognizing the other people out there who are most definitely struggling, the ones on the front lines, be they front line healthcare workers, those that are in grocery stores, anybody having to…I actually don’t have to do that either, I work from home. I feel really really blessed, but I’m cognizant of what’s happening around me, and I don’t have to do the emotional and psychological gymnastics just to survive, and I’m very grateful for that. That leads me to the next thing that I wanted to ask you, that your work is very demanding: physically, emotionally, psychologically. Do you think your training as an athlete contributed to the mindset that you have to use this downtime? And is it resilience that you’ve learned, is it innate that helped make you the athlete and person that you are?
Perdita: Yeah, it is. And here’s the thing – sometimes I feel like…Girl, show some angst sometime! Show some, like, “Aahhh, the world is burning down!” Show that. I really have always been a cool customer, and yes, it is because of my life as an athlete. You always were in the middle, meaning if you won something it never went to your head, you had to be even-keeled. If you lost something, same thing applies, right? Don’t get high on your own supply, don’t get too over yourself. It just allows you to stay in a state of balance where the downs, the bad days don’t get you too down, but the really high days you’re not like smelling yourself and thinking it’s all good. But I think that kind of can be a disservice to me or other athletes, because you’re always editing your emotions, if that makes, sense, right? You’re always kind of like, oh no, I can’t be too sad, I can’t be too happy, I did this amazing thing, I wrote this book and I’m hosting this show – well don’t celebrate, girl, because you haven’t won an Emmy, you know! You haven’t won any prizes…And so I think in this time where I am, I know it’s serious because you allude to frontline workers. My mother works in a nursing home, so she takes care of the elderly, she’s been in this line of work for more than two decades now. So I do think of her, I think of her friends. But it is for now, for me, I’m just staying calm and cool and collected and doing what I can to help those around me, naturally. But sometimes I do feel like you can give situations more reverence. You don’t have to always be the one in control. I’m just trying to find that sweet spot. I don’t know if I’ll ever find it, Shireen! Honestly, I don’t know.
Shireen: See, okay – P, my question is, what are some tips for others of us who are not cool customers? What are some just off the top of your head? What would you suggest to not…I mean, you have an infant!
Perdita: Yeah. [laughs]
Shireen: And the fact that you’re managing to be this level-headed is just phenomenal to me when so much of your own life has been re-shuffled and disrupted because of that.
Perdita: Yeah, okay so I’ve had this mantra, and I’ve had it for a long time, probably since 2012. I call it – I hope I can say one cuss word on here – I call it: BARBECUE THAT BITCH. Okay?
Shireen: Yep. I will take the authority to veto that you can swear just fine.
Perdita: Yay! Okay. BARBECUE THAT BITCH! Yay! I love it. When I say that I feel so empowered. Yes! Basically, the premise for me, and I’ve always…I’ve adopted this since 2012, like I said. Basically, everything that you feel Shireen, everything that we’re feeling right now, I take those emotions and I feel them. I let them become valid in my life, right?
Shireen: Right.
Perdita: Then I have this thing where I either acknowledge them, or I try to find a way for them to get out of me – out of my heart, out of my mind, out of my spirit, out of my psyche. You as the individual have to decide what that looks like. For me, “barbecue that b*****” means all those emotions that I’m feeling I write it down on a piece of paper, okay? I feel like this really sucks, I’m afraid for my sister who also works in a nursing home, I write all those things down and I let them live on the page, right? And I let them live there for as long as they need to live there. Maybe it’s a few hours, maybe it’s a day. Then, okay, I take fire to them. I burn that piece of paper and I light that puppy up. And for me it’s extreme – I don’t always physically, I can’t do that now, it’s more when I was an athlete I would do this. Now, literally I’m throwing the paper out or ripping it, but for me barbecuing that b**** really means “give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling, then take those emotions and put them elsewhere.” Then after you’ve done that, what’s your plan?
It’s okay to have a pity party, it’s okay to feel those things, but I think give yourself a time. I always give myself a time, okay, I’m gonna be really depressed probably about this experience for like a week, ten days, a month. But then when that timeframe is over it’s the same way you schedule appointments or schedule whatever, after that’s done this one week whatever-it-is or three day mourning, whatever you wanna call it, that I’m gonna get on a mission to find a solution to take care of myself. So really what I urge everyone to do is you gotta figure out what that barbecue that b**** looks like for you and your world. The truth is, people are going through really serious things, but here’s the thing Shireen: if you don’t take care of yourself you can’t take care of your parents who you can’t see in a nursing home, you can’t be there for your children that are probably driving you crazy running around the living room trying to e-learn, right? You have to take care of you first, and it’s important to do that.
Shireen: Right. One of the things you said that I wanna touch on is that things that you can’t control and letting go of that control and doing this and reaffirming your own feelings is very much that. Like, I can’t be in control, especially in a time and a place where, much like everybody in journalism or freelancers anyway, a lot of our work has been decimated. So you have to give yourself time to mourn that, to grieve, but then let’s find a plan B. It doesn’t always work for everybody, but I agree with you. In terms of not controlling things, athletes generally have had to contend with random circumstances ruining their chances. You for example had an injury that kept you from the 2008 Olympic Games, you clipped a hurdle in 2004 and couldn’t finish. Is this what you did to accept that, to move forward?
Perdita: You know what, no. Burnaby came a lot later than that.
Shireen: Okay.
Perdita: I think it was finding my way through 2004 Athens, being a favorite and falling at the Olympic Games. You know, I’m a hurdler, we jump things, it’s a built-in work hazard, it just wasn’t my day. And again, it’s like, here’s what you can do: you can prepare as much as you can, and that is really what the life of an athlete is. You work and you work and you work, and my line of work, I have 12½ seconds, which is what an elite hurdle race lasts, give or take a little bit more. I have 12½ seconds to justify years of work. It doesn’t make sense! Four years I’ve been working, plus, and you’re giving me 12½ seconds to prove to you that all this crap was worth it!?
Shireen: Oh my god, when you say it like that it sounds so wild!
Perdita: Wild! And like, who would spend 40 hours a week devoted to one thing to get one shot once every four years? And if you mess up that shot, you’re not like LeBron James, you’re not like Steph Curry, you know. You can’t come back every year and contend for the NBA championship or the Stanley Cup, you don’t get that.
Shireen: Right, right.
Perdita: So I really had to…It took a long time. I started pro in 2004, retired in 2013. Over those years I realized: all Perdita can do is show up, stare down those ten bombs – I call them bombs because literally running hurdles is like a minefield, all it takes is one of those hurdles to detonate in your face and the whole thing’s over – and it’s like, you have to stare down those ten barriers. Here’s the thing, Shireen: the girl in the lane beside me to my right and to my left and adjacent to all the other lanes, I have no control over what she’s gonna do! So why am I gonna take my precious energy, my mental capital, and burn it and waste it on what she could do or what could happen? I’ve learned, and it took years to learn this, it doesn’t make sense. So here’s the thing with COVID-19 and corona right now, who would have predicted this? NOBODY, right? But all you can do is take care of you, your mind, your space, your people, and your circle, whatever that is. Everything else…I’m not saying you shouldn’t pay attention and you shouldn’t be able to weigh in, of course. But if that’s not serving you…There’s a point now where I don’t watch the news. I love to consume news, my husband loves to consume news, but I’ve decided, you know what? I’m just gonna pare down on that for a little bit, because it’s just too much. It’s too much, it’s overwhelming. I can’t control what China’s doing, I can’t control what the United States is doing, I just can’t. So I’ve made a conscious decision that I’m gonna focus on me and what I can control. Once you let that go it’s so freeing and so liberating, it makes everything to me a little bit simpler.
Shireen: I love what you said about mental capital, like that is so key, you’re not gonna waste that. That’s absolutely true. I mean, we’re seeing this global pandemic now, and its impact in sports in a way that I’ve never seen in my lifetime. During the course of your storied career, it’s not the same level as this, like you said with COVID-19, but SARS did impact Canada about 16 years ago. Did anything you were involved in back then get cancelled, anything even at a smaller magnitude?
Perdita: You know what, I remember hearing about it…Oh gosh, SARS seems like a distant memory now. [Shireen laughs] 16 years ago!
Shireen: 16, yeah.
Perdita: Not like this, the way it’s affected the global sports calendar…One, we all know the Olympics have been pushed back to 2021. That has created almost like a ripple out effect – more like a tsunami, really – where everything else is being washed away. A lot of seasons are being wiped out, next year we don’t know what’s gonna happen to a lot of major championships like aquatics and track and field. So I don’t remember in my career, and my career was like, what, more than a decade long. I don’t remember anything like this having this kind of impact. To me it’s unimaginable what athletes are facing right now and how they’re gonna juggle this, I just don’t know.
Shireen: I mean, it’s not only sports, it’s everything that’s being affected, quite frankly. Your book that I’ve read, and it’s wonderful–
Perdita: Oh, thanks, Shireen.
Shireen: –and I’m so excited, it was scheduled to come out in April and now it’s been delayed a year. Why was that decision made? Was it part and parcel because leading up to the Olympics, or because you could tour…?
Perdita: Ugh, great question! Let me open up this little Pandora’s box of thoughts. [laughter] Nobody’s explicitly asked me that, and of course I’ve made the announcement that my book My Mother’s Daughter is not gonna be released on April 14th. So a few people are like, well, this is when it should come out! The appetite is there, people are at home, you know, you have a captive audience. And I think they’re right – now could be a really great climate. But I think ultimately the decision was Penguin/Random House’s, you know, they’re my publisher, it was their idea. Of course they consulted me, they consulted my agent, but I really really like we don’t have brick and mortar stores to support it, we wouldn’t have open libraries to support this books.
Shireen: Right, right.
Perdita: And that was something that was really important to me, you know. In the book I talk about some of my earliest memories being at Coles, the book people, and we weren’t able to afford books or buy books but we’d go there to read them, and I’d lay in the rows or wherever on the floor, on the carpet floor, and people who wanted to buy books would have to step over me while my family is in another section reading what they wanna read, right? So I want the library experience for the book, I want to be able to go to Chapters and Indigo physically and talk about the impact of this book. So a bit of it is I think they’re realizing that they wouldn’t be able to market it and really celebrate this book the way that they wanted, and of course having the Olympics…I’m supposed to be signed on to go with CBC to broadcast. I mean, it would make sense to have those things, yeah.
Shireen: Yeah.
Perdita: You’ve read the book, like it’s a mother-daughter story, and I so craved the Mother’s Day release, that’s really been important to me, and I would’ve missed that, right?
Shireen: Yeah, yeah.
Perdita: I would’ve missed that…
Shireen: I had a lot of pictures in my head about, like…I was actually going to give it to my mom – she’s listening, sorry, spoiler! – for Mother’s Day, and for my daughter as well, you know? Even though I think my kids should only fête me, but I totally see that! And after reading it there was so much a celebration of the relationship, plus a community relationship, that I could envision everybody being there for your launch.
Perdita: Yes!
Shireen: So it makes sense to me when so much of you and your extended family, your chosen family, poured into this.
Perdita: Yeah.
Shireen: So, I mean, I totally see that and I respect it. I’m looking forward to it when it comes out, and we’ll talk again. Speaking of mothers and daughters: Nova is almost 1.
Perdita: Yesss!
Shireen: I don’t know where the time went.
Perdita: I don’t know either!
Shireen: What has that been like through this to have a baby, go out, be social…I still remember when you took her for just a long…You and her on your first walk. I was like, yeah! You’re a champion! You’re doing this, you’re doing this!
Perdita: Oh, I’m feeling all the feels right now. Oh my gosh, I completely forgot about that. Basically, yes, Nova was just…I don’t know, it might have been weeks old or months old, and I was so scared to leave the house by myself with just her. It was like I was shut in! And I did it. I was like, what if she cries in the back of the car? What if she needs milk, do I pull over, do I stop? All these thoughts in my head. And now I’m like, throw her in the car seat, she has a bottle if she’s hungry, she’s wailing, I’m like, girl, we’ll get to her when we get to her, we’ll be fine! Like, a year makes a huge difference! But I will say, the way that I’ve approached parenting, I feel like…You know, I’m almost 40. I had Nova really late, I had her just before I turned 39. So a late mother by design, you know. She wasn’t an easy baby to have, right? We needed help, we needed fertility treatments. So having her, she’s like our little miracle baby. But what I have to be careful of is the athlete in me expects so much of myself, that I don’t pour that into this little soul, this little spirit. That I allow Nova…Like, Nova is 3 weeks away from being 1, and this girl refuses to walk, okay? [Shireen laughing] She’s like, I’m crawling, I’m getting to where I need, and she’s like, a fast crawler. But she has no interest in walking. There’s a part of me that’s opening up the books like, okay, when is she supposed to walk…Oh, nope! I think you’re late…But I’m like, Perdita! Quell that spirit. This is her life to live, not yours. You’re living your life, let her lead hers. So this was always a fear of mine, I’ll be honest with you, with being a mother one day.
This is why I don’t coach, right? I mentor, but I don’t coach. It’s because I know I’m a hard person to please, I know I’m really really tough. My expectations are so high. I’m really working hard, Shireen, to not impose that on my daughter so she can have a really free life and a free existence, right? And she’s a happy baby, she’s a social baby. I take her out and it’s fun. In fact when I first started shooting the show that I’m working on – I’m sure we’ll talk about it, All-Around Champion, the TV series – she literally was born at four pounds, was in the NICU. Literally she maybe was four weeks old and I get a call saying, hey, that pilot, that thing we got greenlit: you’re our host, can you go on the road for 12 weeks? The entire summer of 2019 and host this TV show. I was like, no! No I can’t! I’m not leaving my daughter alone. When you talk about the relationship between mother and daughter, it was my mother who sat me down and said, “Yes, you’re a mother now, and yes, Nova is really gonna need you, and she’s not fully on her way yet, but you are still Perdita. This is a thing you’ve worked hard to achieve.” Like, hosting a whole TV program, you have to go. She gave me really the permission to say, I’m not being negligent if I leave my daughter or if I say yes to this opportunity. I can do this. It’s hard, Shireen, to do that. But looking at her almost turning a year old…And you’re right, time goes…Oh my god. Moms, Shireen! We can do whatever the heck we want. Don’t you think?
Shireen: I still struggle with that, and I love that your mother gave you the permission, the validation to make that choice. Because that was a part of her story. I think that’s really fascinating to me, and I still struggle with this all the time.
Perdita: You do.
Shireen: Like, can I do this? With my work I travel…Well, not right now. I’m going from the living room to the kitchen, that’s the travel that I do! [Perdita laughs] But I do a lot of travel as well, and one particular event I was supposed to be in Australia for Eid and miss the end of Ramadan with my kids and I was like, I can’t do this! I was bawling, and my daughter was like, what’s wrong with you, I would’ve booked this ticket years ago!
Perdita: Yeah!
Shireen: I was just like, no, but I want to be with you! They get older…I have four teenagers, but it gets easier…But does it? Because I still struggle with this exact thing, and these are always thoughts that you’ll have. You’re an elite athlete, you’ve mangled so many things professionally – the personal still is always different.
Perdita: But what helps you push through that? Did you go to Australia? You were there, right, you did go?
Shireen: No, I was supposed to go at the end of May and the whole thing got canceled.
Perdita: Oh, I see! Right, right.
Shireen: I was supposed to go to other places, some other things have been postponed til late 2020, we’ll see. I just want this year to be over, quite frankly.
Perdita: I’m with you.
Shireen: I’m getting better at it, but I also needed the permission from my children to be able to say…And they were like, why are you even asking us!? You’re all about being an independent, feminist mom – why are you asking us?
Perdita: Yeah.
Shireen: I’m still trying to reconcile those pieces. But I’m really glad to hear that All-Around Champion had wrapped up, because I was thinking about that when we were talking about this. Because I mean, what a great show. Also a show conceptually that, as someone who does sports and is an athlete, I was like, how is this even happening?!
Perdita: Yeah!
Shireen: I did a yoga stretching class last night, and I’m done today!
Perdita: Did you pull anything? Yoga to me is like another universe, it’s so hard!
Shireen: It’s so…I can run for 90 minutes on the pitch, I can do what I need to do…I cannot stretch without hurting!
Perdita: Yes. Same.
Shireen: So All-Around Champion, where you in on the concept as well? Did they bring it to you and say we want you to host?
Perdita: No, so I’ll tell you quickly about it. All-Around Champion is a series that they told me the concept is essentially 10 elite athletes, pretty young, so they’re all under 16 years old, but they’re elite in gymnastics, swimming, diving. Basically what happens is we’re together for 10 weeks and every week they have basically one day to get introduced to the sport, two days to train, and then on the fourth day they compete in the sport. But the person whose sport it is becomes the coach. We bring in a sports star who has accomplished amazing things in that sport, so we bring in a star gymnast to come in and help the child – I shouldn’t say child, we’re not supposed to call them children – the athlete who’s the sport leader, whose sport it is, to coach the others. So the others don’t ever compete in their own sport, they compete in their competitions. Hopefully it’s making sense, you don’t need a flow chart.
Basically the concept is gnarly because you have two days…It’d be like me having two days to do tennis, and then another couple of days to do snowboarding or whatever it is. These children throw themselves into these sports. We have some injuries, we have tons of tears, lots of drama because they’re living together for these 12 weeks. I’m their host, and you know, the mama in me want to nurture them, but I’ve told you about how hard I am as a coach and an athlete. [Shireen laughing] The other part of me is like, I’m not taking this crap! I have to get kind of firm and stern. And I do. But I love the concept because you see these athletes stretch and grow. Why I’m proud of it, Shireen, it’s really a show that mothers, fathers, families, children can watch together, and there’s not tons of those out there, right? We literally stopped filming on March 10th, and then you saw how quickly COVID-19 took hold, right? So we were lucky to wrap when we did.
Shireen: The sports goddesses love you. They’re smiling down on you.
Perdita: They must! I’m telling you, I did something right.
Shireen: While we just touched on your book, again, I really loved how you narrated your mother’s story as an observer, but that it’s wrapped into your story as well. I do want to interview fully when it’s closer to book launch, but I just wanted to touch on one specific line that you wrote that really really affected me.
Perdita: Yes!
Shireen: You wrote, “Education was not something her parents could afford to value,” and you’re describing your mother and your maternal grandparents at this point, but it was so poignant, and especially now it’s so relevant.
Perdita: Yes.
Shireen: I wish I could share more of the book but obviously I can’t. But we’re in the middle of a pandemic and these socioeconomic divides are deeper than ever, and that particular line really hit me, not only in relation to athletes handling this but communities handling this. What we can afford to value right now.
Perdita: Yeah, well, my mother before she was 12 years old basically had to drop out of school. My mom has less than a grade 7 education. He parents couldn’t afford to value education because my mother had to go out and basically work, right?
Shireen: Right, right.
Perdita: So she craved that in the lives of her children that we have education. But to your point, I think what corona really is showing us is the haves and the have-nots, in many ways. Like I said, I’m trying not to read the news but if you see the stats on race you realize that people color, people in marginalized communities are dying at a disproportionate rate from COVID-19. They’re not getting the interventions, they’re not getting the help, they’re not getting the test. It’s like, this has been systemic, so why wouldn’t corona show this even more? Especially in the States you’re seeing these stats, right? And to me it’s one of those things where it’s like, what can I do to help? You feel like in this time, I feel like I’m looking for ways I can contribute – yes, donating and giving money. But at the same time what really frustrated me, Shireen, and I don’t know if it frustrated you, seeing a lot of these celebrities singing and doing Kumbaya…
Shireen: Ugh, girl…
Perdita: UGH. Tone deaf!
Shireen: Nope.
Perdita: But you know who I really respect? Rihanna. Because that girl has send millions of dollars to the States, Barbados, Haiti. And she’s paying for the ventilators of people who are affected. She’s buying masks! And so to me, we’re all doing what we can – I hope. Whether it’s not going out if you feel like you’re sick or staying quarantined to keep other people safe. Not to just dump on celebrities, but sometimes I just cannot take the fakeness. I cannot right now, right? It’s been frustrating.
Shireen: Talking about the added concerns of communities that are of racialized folks, do you have heightened concerns about athletes from these communities during this pandemic? Seeing as particularly Black women are…The stats from the United States are far more clear and they’re captured more, but how they’ve received the least amount of support. We know there’s antiblackness that runs through the medical systems in Canada and the United States. Are you more concerned for athletes and young women that are from these communities?
Perdita: Yeah, because honestly their voices will not be heard. They’ll be the last people on the list when it comes to priority to be helped. For the most part, a lot of them have had no choice but to put sport and preparation aside because they just have to take care of their families right now, they just have to take care of themselves. A lot of the athletes that I know, sport has taken a back seat. They’re not picking up tennis racquets, you know. Yes, you can go for runs and things like that, but they’re not training. This has completely grounded and floored everyone. But yes, to your point, marginalized communities are going to feel the wrath of this most. And let’s talk about the economic impact for a while, right? If you have tons of money in the bank, what’s another year or six months without work, right?
Let’s say you’re an athlete in the Middle East or you’re an athlete in West Africa or East Africa, if you’re not racing on the Diamond League circuit which is the track and field circuit, which has completely been halted, you’re not making money, you’re not eating, and you’re not able to provide for your family. A lot of these athletes in these smaller communities, they are the economic engine for an entire community. If they’re not racing the Berlin Marathon, if they’re not racing the London Marathon, there is no money for them to take back to feed their families, friends, and so on. I really do think about that impact, and it’s such a micro-thought for a lot of people, you don’t think about that. But it really is…I remember athletes I’d run with, you’d only see them on the circuit a few times a year because they really couldn’t afford to maybe fly in, or maybe they’d have a really good agent who’d bring them in. You know that they’re going back and that $1000 US prize money is tons of money to them, right?
Shireen: Yeah.
Perdita: It is, but that’s gone. That’s gone.
Shireen: And I think that so much of this is correlated, and a lot of people don’t understand. I have a lot of issues with the Olympics and the Committee and the way they do things, but I also realize, because I struggle with that. I realize the militarization of these events and the way they gentrify neighborhoods, but I also realize that the Olympics is a place to truly showcase women’s sport and they won’t be able to do that this year, and for some people one year is a really long time, particularly Black women athletes, brown women athletes who aren’t getting the opportunity and may not have money to show up next year.
Perdita: The possibility here is that your partners, your sponsors, your federations, whatever, because of the Olympics being postponed one year, yes, the IOC is urging if athletes have qualified they get to hold their spot. At the same time, a lot of these national sport organizations…I’m not saying they’re all crooked, but maybe I am. Truthfully, they hold a lot of power, and this one year is so nebulous now that a lot of them might have the ability here to just snuff someone’s dream out. It’s completely shifted and changed the landscape for sport. Maybe you were on the cusp of qualifying this year or you could’ve qualified, but next year the rules are different or next year they say like, well, I don’t care what the IOC says, we’re this national sports body and this is what we’re saying for 2021. To your point now, it can be an excuse to drop a lot of athletes, right, who have no voice, who have no power. That's the fear. If you’re a big sports star in your sport, you have the voice, you have the platform, chances are nothing’s gonna happen to you.
Shireen: You’re fine.
Perdita: You’re fine. But if this was your chance, if this was your one year, a whole year to fund an Olympic dream, Shireen, costs thousands and thousands of dollars.
Shireen: Yep.
Perdita: And not only the dollars, right? It’s the person to watch your children if you’re a woman athlete who’s decided to start a family early, right? It’s being able to pay for daycare, it’s being able to buy equipment, it’s being able to afford training. The cost of this thing is not just financial, right? The other thing too is as a woman who’s in sport – we talked about this – I decided to have a baby when I was retired, that was a conscious decision. For men in sports, not really a concern for them, right? They can start their families whenever. I know quite a few athletes just a generation or two behind me who are like, me and my spouse, my partner, whoever, were about to start a family. 2020 was our cap and we are starting our family. Now Shireen, what are they supposed to do? Are they supposed to start their family now or chase this Olympic dream? They’re at a complete crossroads!
Shireen: And it doesn’t mean that if you try to start a family it’s necessarily gonna work on your timeline.
Perdita: Exactly, exactly! You decide that you’re gonna start at the end of 2021, you’ve just delayed this thing for who knows how many years. The reason I say that is because it took me a while to have Nova. We needed fertility treatments. My heart goes out for athletes and women who right now, this has completely…Not necessarily just destroyed, maybe that's too harsh a word. But basically delayed…
Shireen: Disrupted.
Perdita: Yeah, disrupted, exactly, their pursuits. But it's really like, family planning, what do I do now? The other thing too is that a lot of these athletes, you’re planning for your blocks, for your cycles. A lot of them were like, I was gonna start med school, I deferred a year to start this career, what do I do now? Do I even have the money to fund myself and my coach for another year? Shireen, these stories are not over by a long shot.
Shireen: So about the Canadian Olympic Committee deciding not to send athletes to Tokyo, what are your thoughts on this?
Perdita: Ooh! I saw the news when it happened, I was like, wait, Canadian Olympic Committee? No no no, let me read this again. [laughing]
Shireen: I too was very surprised, I gotta tell you. It’s not always Canadian institutions that impress me, Perdita! You know that of all people.
Perdita: That’s right!
Shireen: And just for our listeners, this happened before the Olympics were officially announced to be postponed til July 2021.
Perdita: Exactly. They were the first country to do this. The IOC was hemming and hawing, they didn’t make a decision on whether they’ll delay, but Canada basically called and said, look, nobody is going! I was shocked, Shireen, because Canadians aren’t one to rock the boat in that way. But I was really proud of the Canadian Olympic and Paralympic Committees because they took a stand and we quickly saw Australia do similarly, and it really forced the IOC’s hand because you can’t have an Olympics if you don’t have the world’s best athletes, right? But! There was some dissension. There were some athletes who understood the reasoning, but a few of them were not excited about it, because it’s like, why does the Olympic and Paralympic Committee make our decisions for us? Why can’t we wait a few more weeks? So it was a blanket decision, but it wasn’t celebrated all over the place. Some athletes were very confused and a little bit disappointed by it because, again, if you work for four years for a thing, Shireen, all of a sudden you wanna wait it out, right? You wanna wait til the last hour, but you can’t. There was no way forward in this.
Shireen: Do you have any other projects that were postponed or cancelled?
Perdita: Just the main one that we’ve already alluded to, which is the book and then the Olympics. I had tons of keynote speaks around Mother’s Day and International Women’s Day which was all cancelled. I had book festivals to go to, and the libraries and those things which have all been cancelled.
Shireen: Right, right.
Perdita: Obviously on TV promoting the book and we were booked solid, thank god, but all those things are now shelved. But when you see what’s going on, Shireen, it’s almost like, I’m just a lowly freelancer, I’ll be okay. And yes, creatives struggle right now because our work mainly is like, if you don’t work you don’t eat.
Shireen: Yeah.
Perdita: But at the end of the day when I think about it I’m like, I’m still here, I’m still alright. We will get through this time. And here’s the other thing too I wanna say: I saw these memes and all these posts about how productive people need to be during this time–
Shireen: [laughing] I have to tell you, I put on pants for this interview, so I count myself a winner.
Perdita: I’m seeing ads for jeans online and all these things, I’m like, who’s putting on jeans!?
Shireen: No no no. I’m wearing sweatpants.
Perdita: Hello! Like, don’t sell me any jeans, I am not interested. How dare you. But the truth of the matter I think people really need to understand is if for you this time is literally like you said in your comfy clothes, being in your pajamas, decompressing and not having that next big idea or not even being creative – brother, sister, whoever you are: do that. It’s okay. But I think what happens is, you know me, I love Instagram, I love Insta stories. You see all these people doing these amazing things and all these seminars and all these Lives and all these things…Well, what have I done today? If you are that person that doesn’t need to do anything right now, be that person and do it guilt-free, do you know what I mean?
Shireen: Yep, yep. Absolutely. I will take your cue and I will never wear pants again! [Perdita laughing]
This special episode of Burn It All Down: Mother’s Day 2020 was produced by Kasia Mychajlowycz. We at Burn It All Down wish you the best in health and safety, and as much wonderful time with your loved ones, and if you cannot be with them I hope you can be with them soon. Take care, be safe, and burn on, not out.